I’d hate to end it with my partner but she seems asexual & I have needs

DEAR DEIDRE:  I’VE met a lovely woman, everything is fun and we love just about everything about one another but we have had sex just five times in a year.

Bed for her means sleep. There is no passion, no desire and our intimacy stops at the bedroom door. I am 54 and she is 51. I’ve made suggestions but I don’t think she is capable of physical closeness. I’d hate to end it but my needs don’t figure.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I see how frustrated you feel but switch from telling her about your needs to focusing on hers. Find a time when sex isn’t on the cards to say how fantastic she is but you miss being physically close.

Ask about the past and be ready to listen. Maybe she has had a bad experience or difficult menopause.

My e-leaflet on Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive could help, though it might be she is asexual. Some people are. In that case, can you be just good friends?

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