DEAR DEIDRE: WE are worried my daughter’s boyfriend is ripping her off.
She pays (or we pay) for everything, while he never puts his hand in his pocket.
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Her job is a good one, but demanding. She looked tired last month so I suggested that my wife and I should take her on holiday to Tenerife in January.
I said her boyfriend was welcome but he’d have to pay for himself.
She is 28 and he is 30. My wife and I are 52.
He was the only person who had a free holiday.
She paid for his flights and hotel, and he never put his hand in his pocket the whole time.
I paid for meals, trips, everything.
When we got home I had a word with our daughter and said she hadn’t seen me treat her mother like that and it’s not how she should be treated.
It has now emerged that he is out of work after being sacked for lying about his sales figures.
He lives with my daughter and pays her no rent or anything towards the running costs of her flat, which she is buying.
I need to talk to her about all this but obviously don’t want to fall out with her.
DEIDRE SAYS: I understand why you are worried but maybe he is such a lovely partner in other ways that she doesn’t mind supporting him.
If you are comfortably off, perhaps he does not realise you are waiting for him to pay his way.
Yes, talk to your daughter but help her to reflect rather than try to dictate to her.
Do not pitch or give her your view of how useless he is.
You should start by admitting you are worried about her, but asking her what she gets out of her relationship and what her boyfriend brings that enriches her life.
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